Allow or enable to escape from confinement; set free.
The action or process of releasing or being released.
verb. free – liberate – discharge – set free – let off – let go
noun. liberation – deliverance – discharge – relief – exemption
How’s this for ironic…as soon as I decided on my word, I got scared about sharing it. And realised that in part it was because I was holding myself as having ‘failed’ last year’s word. Don’t ask me how that makes sense. Apparently, I wasn’t really clear about what having a word for the year meant. Not to myself at least. So I while I said my word was ‘Move’, I wound up actually thinking of it as a new year’s resolution to lose a thousand pounds. Or it morphed into that. And guess what? By the end of last year, I wasn’t moving very much at all. Not physically at least.
So, this year, I’m getting really clear about what choosing my word (and THIS word) in particular means.
I chose release because I have been holding on, folks. Holding on like I’m drowning. And as it turns out, what I thought would help keep me afloat is actually helping me drown faster. Concrete boot anyone?
This seems true everywhere I look in my life.
As 2011 was drawing to a close (and HRG was napping) I sat here, at my desk… completely overwhelmed and just focused on breathing in and out while I tried to think of a word for 2012. I was feeling a little
apprehensive, reluctant, ambivalent about it because I didn’t think it had worked, so that little voice in my head was asking, ‘why bother trying it again?‘
But… I had this yearning nonetheless so I cleared my mind, breathed some more and just let my thoughts wash over me. Finally two or three words kept floating up. They’d fade like smoke as I focused on them and then re-emerge as I turned away. As I got frustrated, I started noticing my outward breath… whooshing past my lips. And then one word remained, and it was – release.
Like a whisper from the universe right into my ear.
And this time, I heard it.
I’ve been holding on, folks. To past hurts and disappointments. To dashed dreams, spoiled plans, and unexpected detours. I’ve been holding on to fears, limitations, expectations and demands. Everywhere around me piles and piles of stuff I might need, might use, might come in handy grow before my eyes all over our house. My very body manifests all the holding on I’ve been doing.
And it’s time to let it go.
I’m lightening up so I can rise up.
I’m writing my goals list for the year and it’s heavily influenced by this word. My word for this year. I’ll share more details about that later. Suffice it to say, for now, that there are a few main areas where I can see clearly what needs to be released:
My health – this is one that last year layed the foundation for. I did move. A lot. And it was wonderful. And I still have miles to go before I sleep. Speaking of sleep, I need to get more of it. Essentially, as with all these areas, I need to let go of the idea that I matter least. Putting everyone else first is not enabling me to be the person, woman, mother, partner, sister, daughter, photographer that I want to be. So, I’ll be working on this.
Mind – tough to describe but I did a lot less writing than usual last year. Writing is so important to my well being and I’m recommitting to doing more of it. Perhaps on the blog, definitely in my journal and who knows where else.. bathroom stalls, train stations… hahahahaha! Lots more meditation as well.
Money – there’s some clever saying that describes how difficult it is to be open to abundance when you’re clutching scarcity and this is where we’ve been. It’s been tough. Really tough. Barely scraping by thanks to the help of our loved ones tough. We’re grateful for it and we also want more for ourselves. More than scraping by. We’re making changes and plans and reviewing our budget/spending and debts. Again. Miles to go before I sleep.
Home – in one word – purge. Making room. Clearing space. Moving on.
Business – streamlining, improving systems and workflow, getting ever more clear about what, why and who I’m wanting to serve.
Relationships – letting go of the unhealthy ones that don’t serve and support me, letting go of the energy drainers. Surrounding myself with people I adore. Setting boundaries is something else I need to work on!
Six seems like more than enough to start with. I’m sure more will come to me as the year wears on. And I’ll be open and awake enough to notice it.
This word is not a whip to beat myself up with at the end of this year. Nor is it a word to measure my value or worth against. This word is simply a suggestion, a guiding light for this year. So, when I forget my purpose or my motivations for doing what I do, when I’m unclear about the choices I’m making, this is the word I’ll be considering to bring me back to my path.
That’s my word for this year. Move. Last year, it was Courage. It’s been a year full of high highs and low lows. I am ready for what lies ahead. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. What a year it’s been.
Chésaweh had his first birthday! My baby. A boy already. Takes my breath away, every day. What an amazing creature he is. So bold, fearless, beautiful, determined, energetic, persistent, methodical, cheerful, soulful, musical, unbridled, uninhibited, wild, thoughtful, gentle, joyful, quiet, mellow, intense little being he is. And growing, growing… always in the moment.
I won a camera! OMG, yes. The sheer craziness. At a moment when I was thinking that perhaps it was too much for me right now. I won a 1D. As if the universe was saying, yeah, keep doing this. For a while. And I love it. What a thrill to get more that looks like what I see. It’s just wonderful. And oddly, it inspires me to work with other cameras as well. It’s lovely.
We moved. Just fifteen minutes down the highway from where we lived before. And yet, it does seem like a whole world away. Our neighbourhood is way cool. We’ve seen most of them out and about, tending to their homes, being with their families and I dig it. Hope to get to know them better. I’m still covering the entire Bay Area and still visit Richmond, El Cerrito, Berkeley and Oakland just about every week for one errand or another. I’m still in love with the Kensington and sometimes drive around it loving on the homes there. It’s gorgeous. I’m in the city a lot less but always happy to have a reason to come to San Francisco proper.
Myofascial Pain Syndrome returned in full effect. Joy. Not. That was my sarcastic voice. It sucks. Don’t have much more to say about it right now.
I did my first mini-sessions. Awesome.
I second shot a bouquet of weddings. Stupendous.
I shot more portraits. Heart warming and just plain thrilling. Is that an odd way to describe it? Do you get what I mean? It was so thoroughly enjoyable. When I’m shooting, I just relax into seeing and going zen. Connecting and opening. Love it.
Wow. This is a long post for me. And I haven’t even added photographs yet!
Doesn’t this disco ball ornament and blue tree just make you want to dance? You know you do… shake your body!! Ha.
I envision moving my body. Exercising every day. I’ll be dancing. Walking. Playing catch. Jumping rope.
I envision moving away from the junk food I’ve been settling for on far too many occasions and creating even more of the healthy, delicious, pretty food that actually nourishes our bodies.
I envision moving forward in my life and in my business. Leaving behind bad habits and the excuses that I’ve let in my own way. No more. I’m just going to do.
I envision being moved by the universe more, by allowing myself to be present and conscious and open more. When I’m awake and aware, so much more in life evokes all those glorious feelings of connection, purpose and zen. I want more of that.
What’s your word for 2011?